none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
