Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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