I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
