i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
