I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
