Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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