You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
