Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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