I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
