I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
