i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
