I hate all girls vehemently.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
