youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize