he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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