You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
