My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
