Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
