Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
