I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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