you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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