you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
