i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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