That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
