One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I love having hate sex.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
