and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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