so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
