I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
