At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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