I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize