I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
