you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
