surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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