Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
