they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
