Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
