dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
