I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
