I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
