No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
