I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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