im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
