the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
