Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
