she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize