he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
