My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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