So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
