Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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