the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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