Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
