I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
