The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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