I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
