just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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