There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
