Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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