I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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