you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
