Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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