Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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