I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
