College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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