did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
