pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
