U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
