Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
