the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
