oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
