my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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