Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize