My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
