I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
