So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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