I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
