Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize