he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
