So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
